I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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