i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
