I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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