she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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