she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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