Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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