two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
