I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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