I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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