it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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