I just saw a hot homeless man
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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