remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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