I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize