I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
