Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
