it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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