Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We just shotgunned beers for America
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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