First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
