I am puke
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
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