I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
