I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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