My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
