I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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