He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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