Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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