I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
