Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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