some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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