I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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