my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
