It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
