booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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