He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
