i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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