Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
BRING THE BAGELS
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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