I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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