I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
