You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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