Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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