i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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