well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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