Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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