my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
