Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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