Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
