I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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