I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found your dick twin last night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
