Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
