Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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