She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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