I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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