Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
