I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
