I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Found the puke drawer
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
