there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just pee around me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
