All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
