I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
