I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
