based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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