Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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