When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
