He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
