i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Randomize
