She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
