There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
