I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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