yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
